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| Jerry Sandusky couldn't wait for training camp to open so he could get his hands on a new season's fresh crop of malleable young talent. |
Times have changed. The NFL as a league and a brand has has evolved. Unfortunately the same cannot be said about it's players. The down time between February and August is quickly gaining notoriety as the "arrest" season for football players. So far the tally is at least 29 players arrested since the Superbowl in February, a shocking number that has probably risen since I began writing this article.
While most players seem to recognize and appreciate their opportunity to be a part of the greatest thing known to man, the NFL, others can't seem to stay out of trouble. A few NFL players in particular, snatch dreaded conduct related headlines with the same tenacity as Calvin Johnson bringing down a TD over 2 defenders.
I've worked out a system for ignoring these flaws in players by simply lowering my standards for humanity in general, but especially for that of NFL players and their conduct. I've now trained my mind to accept that players are going to have a D.U.I. here and some missed child support payments there. No big deal. Marijuana posession? No problem. Even Brandon Marshall's semi-annual spousal abuse charges and night club altercations now get nonchalantly removed from memory with the ease of Pacman Jones peeling off $100 bills at a strip club.
Behavior has become such an epidemic across the league that Pacman Jones, Terrell Owens, and Mike Vick recently were all called in for help. They spoke to rookies at a symposium paid for by the NFL, warning new players of the pitfalls that accompany fame and money. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has cracked down on players, taking a zero-tolerance approach, handing out suspensions and fines like doses of Nyquil at a Sandusky sleepover.But still, this past off-season has been a particularly active one, and there are a few players that have set themselves apart from the rest of the pack. And of course, a racist, insensitive asshole like me finds it necessary to point out a few of the more entertaining ones.
1. Dez Bryant
When the Cowboys decided to select Bryant with the 24th overall pick in the 2010 NFL Draft, they ignored the red flags and flashing lights of character issues, and instead, banked on the tremendous upside of a fiery, physical wide receiver who could fill the vacancy left by Michael Irvin over a decade ago. The Cowboys were hoping that Dez's talent would be the missing piece of the puzzle that would catapult QB Tony Romo into "elite" quarterback status, and bring the Dallas Cowboys back to playoff relevance.
What they actually got, at least so far, has been something quite different.
If you pay any attention to football you've already heard of Dez Bryant. You may know Dez from his well-documented lack of on-the-field production and open-status for becoming a "bust". Or perhaps you might have heard his name during the 2010 pre-draft process, used most likely in the same sentence with terms like "undraftable" due to "attitude and behavioral issues". You may have heard his story, having been raised in Lufkin, TX, mostly by his mother, who served time behind bars for dealing crack. You may even be one of his 2 or 3 baby-momma's he keeps around town like stash spots for his chronic. But more likely, you first heard his name last off-season, when he stole national headlines for becoming the first Dallas Cowboy to be banned from the upscale North Park Shopping Mall for refusing to pull up his sagging pants.
When Bryant was first approached by a $7.65 an hour mall security guard he immediately went on the defensive. The security guard had received several complaints from shoppers involving a group of African Americans and accusations of indecency. When politely asked, instead of pulling up his pants and apologizing, Bryant and his pack of uniformly drooping co-conspirators became visibly agitated and started causing a scene. Police were called and Bryant was banned from the mall.
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| I wear my pants the same way as Dez Bryant does and nobody ever hassles me about it. |
If I told you that at a family dinner, someone allegedly grabbed a family member violently by their hair and clothes and shook that family member around, then slapped that same person across the face with a baseball cap threatening to kill them-- you might be inclined to think dinner at Ike Turner's house. If I then told you that the abused victim is the defendants own mother-- you'd not only be shocked and horrified, you'd be informed of exactly what happened in the Bryant household.
Dez Bryant was facing misdemeanor charges of family assault, before Angela Bryant's better judgement prevailed. She forgave him and after a few days decided to drop the charges. Ms. Bryant tacitly understood that when KFC comes close to running out of its original recipe chicken, all hell breaks loose and sometimes innocent people get hurt.
2. Nate Webster
Instead of living comfortably and quietly with the security offered from a 5 year $11.3 million dollar deal from the Cincinnatti Bengals, Nate Webster decided to
The girl also happened to be the daughter of a Bengals assistant coach. She was 15 at the time, him 34. That was too much for the Bengals organization, as well as authorities to ignore. Webster was sentenced to 12 years in prison.
3. Elvis Dumervil
Dumervil and a friend were cruising the streets of Miami, when an altercation involving a firearm occured. Details are still murky. Authorities say it was road rage. Dumervile claims it was self-defense.
According to a quote from Dumervil, it happened like this, "So I hooks a left on two-one and Lewis, some brotha's shootin' dice so I said let's do this. I Jumped out my ride, and said what's up? Some brotha's pulled some gat's so I said... I'm stuck."
That's when a all of a sudden a friend came along and intervened. The friend had this to say: "They got my homey hemmed up and they all around, ain't none of them seeing if they going straight pound for pound. I gotta come up real quick before they start to clown, I best pull out my strap and lay them busta's down."
Dumervil also attempted to justify the incident by stating, "If you smoke like I smoke, then you high like everyday. And if yo' ass is a busta, two-one-three will regulate."
4. Caleb King
Whatever you do, don't tell Caleb King he looks like Eddie Murphy. He's perfectly willing to throw away his image, his life, and his careeer for such an... insult? While at a friend's birthday party, King exploded in rage on a 24 year old man who made such a comparison, leaving the man requiring 50 stitches and possibly permanent brain damage.
Looking like a celebrity such as Eddie Murphy isn't a bad thing. Plus, the resemblance isn't even all that close. It's certainly not nearly as uncanny as that of actor Omar Epps and Steelers Head Coach Mike Tomlin.
Caleb King should be thankful he's not named after a celebrity. Especially a " no-talent ass clown" like Michael Bolton.
5. The Detroit Lions - Seven arrests and counting.
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| Former Bubba-Gump shrimp boat Captain and current Lions DT, Nick Fairley, was pulled over in his Cadillac Escalade at 1:00 AM for driving 100 MPH. Fairley has been booked on charges for D.U.I., and attempting to elude police. This is his second D.U.I. in a 2 month span. |
It hasn't been a great off-season for the Lions. Apparently spoiled by last season's relative success, the Lion's now appear to have lost discipline and focus. RB Mikell Leshoure, while commanding very little attention and few headlines on the field, has managed to produce numerous headlines off the field and commanded the attention of Detroit police. Two separate marijuana arrests in less than two months, combined with his track record of injuries, should have him seeing less playing time than a 6 year old rice paddy worker in Bangladesh.
Additionally, OT Johnny Culbreath was arrested in January on a marijuana charge, and CB Aaron Berry was arrested for the second time in a month, charged with aggrivated assault for allegedly pointing a gun at three people. Last week Berry was released by the Lions organization.
The openings of NFL training camps are only days away. Not to worry though, that still leaves plenty of time for a few more arrests!
